I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
