I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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