the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
