we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
