i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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