well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
