Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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