You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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