We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I had to cum in my sink.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
