I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
