Will you blow on my dice?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
