Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
