i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize