and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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