now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize