Im at strip club and am horny
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Vodka?
Forever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
