I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
