well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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