Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
