well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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