Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
