When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
