Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
