I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
