So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
