FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
