There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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