He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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