Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
