Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My vagina just recognized that song.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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