how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
