if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
