we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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