my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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