I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
