so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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