I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
