no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
