Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this just has baby written all over it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
