I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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