We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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