dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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