there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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