So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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