It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
zippers are such a cool invention
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
