Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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