I'm going to jail i love you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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