I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
