I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
