I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize