cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
