sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
