My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
