Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
