Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fuck appropriateness.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize