Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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