we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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