i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
