You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
