flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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