what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
