my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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