my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
