You made me cry and you don't even care
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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