there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm always down for nudity.
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