I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
