I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
