I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
