But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
