Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
