told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize