I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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