I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
